Well, Australia Day is almost here again. This means that Sam Kekovich is once again gracing our screens plugging meat in his annual Australia Day address.

This year sees him sitting at his desk in many various picturesque locations throughout Australia, whilst a choir of children sing in the background. Think Qantas ‘I Still Call Australia Home’ advertisements.

The spot got a bit of press mainly because of the Helen Clarke jibe. “Even APEC gets a week. But that’s just a bunch of blokes in funny shirts. Apart from Helen Clarke, who does a passable impersonation of a bloke anyway.”

The main contention of the ad is that Mr Kekovich wants an Australia Week, not just one day. i.e. 7 times the amount of lamb eating opportunities.

I’ll be honest, I’m not the biggest fan of this dude. I find him quite annoying. These Australia Day lamb advertisements basically play off his old controversial monologues “You know it makes sense. I’m Sam Kekovich.” There’s only so much yelling I can take from ageing shock jocks..

Check it if you like to be yelled at..

And here’s the narrative..

My fellow Australians, it is my solemn duty to inform you that it’s time to abolish Australia Day.

Our annual lamb-fest hasn’t stopped unAustralianism racing through the land like horse-flu through a Japanese jockey club.

For example, if I see another binge-drinking, pill-popping, powder-sniffing footballer making a tearful television apology – I’ll blow a fuse.

Australia Day has had its day. We need Australia week. A 7-day lambathon to properly celebrate our great nation. Instead of one public holiday, we need seven. Instead of one lamb barbie we need 21 lamb meal opportunities – not including snacks. Which imbecile thought one day was long enough anyway.

Look at the Olympics, Octoberfest, the Turkish Oil Wrestling Festival. Even APEC gets a week. But that’s just a bunch of blokes in funny shirts. Apart from Helen Clarke, who does a passable impersonation of a bloke anyway.

The placard-waving, police-bashing, weed worshippers may protest about it, but it’s nothing a few blasts from a water cannon can’t fix. They could do with a wash. And if they’re still too unAustralian to chomp a few chops with the rest of us, send them to Nauru. The refugee protesting centre has plenty of palm trees they can hug.

I’ll be petitioning our new PM to officially recognise Australia Week. If you still call Australia home, stack the fridge full of lamb, take the week off and celebrate with me. Any boss that won’t let you is a bum. Just chuck a week of sickies instead. What could be more Australian than that?

So don’t be unAustralian, serve lamb this Australia Week. You know it makes sense. I’m Sam Kekovich.